Evening Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's leading entertainers used their evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... ruins everything he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative that allows international nationals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" option for five million. A government portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to affluent immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval numbers amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.